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Why Athletes can't have regular jobs-better than Blonde jokes

Subject: FW: Why Athletes can't have regular jobs-better than Blonde jokes
And then they earn over a million a year.
This is better than Blonde jokes. ------------- Actually - it is really SAD!!!

                               Why Athletes can't have regular jobs
 1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me.  I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach John Jenkins: "He treats us like men.  He lets us wear earrings.."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.  A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (Now that is beautiful.)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height.." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."  (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January.)

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford, "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious." 

Fw: A Well-planned Retirement

From The London Times:
A Well-Planned Retirement

Outside England 's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot
for 150 cars and 8 buses.. For 25 years, its
parking fees were managed by a very pleasant
attendant. The fees were 1 for cars ($1.40),

5 for busses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing
a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the Zoo
Management called the City Council and asked it
to send them another parking agent

The Council did some research and replied that the
parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility.

The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was
a City employee.

The City Council responded that the lot attendant
had never been on the City payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain
(or some such scenario), is a man who'd apparently had a

ticket machine installed completely on his own; and then
had simply begun to show up every day, commencing
to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about
$560 per day -- for 25 years.
Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to
just over
$7 million dollars!

And no one even knows his name.

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Fw: Fw: ASPARAGUS.....very interesting article

  Very interesting, worth a read. Here's a new one to me!  

 interesting article: "My Mom had been taking the full-stalk canned style asparagus that she pureed and she took 4 tablespoons in the morning and 4 tablespoons later in the day. She did this for over a month. She is on chemo pills for Stage 3 lung cancer in the pleural area and her cancer cell count went from 386 down to 125 as of this past week. Her oncologist said she does not need to see him for 3 months."

 Several years ago, I had a man seeking asparagus for a friend who had cancer.He gave me a photocopied copy of an article,  entitled, `Asparagus for cancer' printed in Cancer News Journal, .

I will share it here, just as it was shared with me:'I am a biochemist,and have specialized in the relation of diet to health for over 50 years..Several years ago, I learned of the discovery of Richard R. Vensal, D.D.S. that asparagus might cure cancer.
 Since then, I have worked with him on his project. We have
 accumulated a number of favorable case histories.

 Here are a few examples:
 Case No. 1, A man with an almost hopeless case of Hodgkin's disease (cancer of the lymph glands) who was completely incapacitated. Within 1 year of starting the asparagus therapy, his doctors were unable to detect any signs of cancer, and he was back on a schedule of strenuous exercise.
 Case No. 2, a successful businessman 68 years old who suffered from cancer of the bladder for 16 years. After years of medical treatments, including radiation without improvement, he went on asparagus. Within 3 months, examinations revealed that his bladder tumor had disappeared and that his kidneys were normal.

 Case No. 3, a man who had lung cancer. On

 March 5th , he was put on the operating table where they found lung cancer so widely spread that it was inoperable. The surgeon sewed him up and declared his case hopeless. On April 5th he heard about the asparagus therapy and immediately started taking it.By August, x-ray pictures revealed that all signs of the cancer had disappeared.. He is back at his regular business routine.

 Case No.. 4, a woman who was troubled for a number of years with skin cancer. She finally developed different skin cancers which were diagnosed by asking specialist as advanced.... Within 3 months after starting on asparagus, her skin specialist said that her skin looked fine and no more skin lesions. This woman reported that the asparagus therapy also cure her kidney disease, which started in 1949. She had over 10 operations for kidney stones, and was receiving government disability payments for an inoperable, terminal, kidney condition She attributes the cure of this kidney trouble entirely to the asparagus.
 I was not surprised at this result, as `The elements of materia medica', edited in 1854 by a Professor at the University  of Pennsylvania  , stated that asparagus was used as a popular
 remedy for kidney stones He even referred to experiments, in 1739, on the power of asparagus in dissolving stones.

 We would have other case histories but the medical establishment has interfered with our obtaining some of the records. I am therefore appealing to readers to spread this good news and help us to gather a large number of case histories that will overwhelm the medical skeptics about this unbelievably simple and natural remedy.
 For the treatment,asparagus should be cooked before using, and therefore canned asparagus is just as good as fresh.  I have corresponded with the two leading canners of asparagus, Giant and Stokely, and I am satisfied that these brands contain no pesticides or preservatives.
 Place the cooked asparagus in a blender and liquefy to make a puree, and store in the refrigerator. Give the patient 4 full tablespoons twice daily, morning and evening.

 Patients usually show some improvement in from 2-4 weeks.  It can be diluted with water and used as a cold or hot drink. This suggested dosage is based on present experience, but certainly larger amounts can do no harm and may be needed in some cases.
 As a biochemist I am convinced of the old saying that `what cures can prevent' Based on this theory, my wife and I have been using asparagus puree as a beverage with our meals.
 We take 2 tablespoons diluted in water to suit our taste with  breakfast and with dinner. I take mine hot and my wife prefers hers cold. For years we have made it a practice to have blood surveys taken as part of our regular checkups..
 The last blood survey, taken by a medical doctor who specializes in the nutritional approach to health, showed substantial improvements in all categories over the last one, and we can attribute these improvements to nothing but the asparagus drink...

 As a biochemist, I have made an extensive study of all aspects of cancer, and all of the proposed cures. As a result, I am convinced that asparagus fits in better with the latest theories about cancer. Asparagus contains a good supply of protein called histones,which are believed to be active in controlling cell growth. For that reason, I believe asparagus can be said to contain a substance that I call cell growth normalizer. That accounts
 for its action on cancer and in acting as a general body tonic.
 In any event, regardless of theory, asparagus used as we suggest, is a harmless substance. The FDA cannot prevent you from using it and it may do you much good.

 It has been reported by the US National Cancer Institute, that asparagus is the highest tested food containing glutathione, which is considered one of the body's most potent anticarcinogens and antioxidants.
 Please spread the news!

 The most unselfish act one can ever do is to forward all the kindness one has received!

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Fwd: FW: Two letter word

Think about it.


Read until the'll laugh....

This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word
is 'UP.' It is listed in the
dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v].

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky
or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we
wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do
we speak UP, and why are the
officers UP for
election and why is it UP to the secretary to
write UP a
report? We call UP our friends,
brighten UP a room, polish UP the
silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We
lock UP the house and
fix UP the old

At other times this little word has real special
meaning. People stir UP trouble,
line UP for
tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one
thing but to be dressed UP is

And this UP is confusing: A
drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at
night. We seem to be pretty mixed
UP about UP !

To be
knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary.. In a desk-sized
dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about
thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may
wind UP with a hundred or

When it threatens to rain, we say it is
clouding UP . When the sun comes out
we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it
soaks UP the
earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on & on, but I'll wrap
it UP, for now time is UP ! more thing:
What is the first thing you
do in the morning & the last thing you do at

P !

Did that one crack you UP?

Don't screw UP.. Send this on to everyone you
look UP in your address
book..or's UP to you.

I'll shut UP

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